Maddie turns 6

Our little girl turned 6 in a blink of an eye!  I'm very late in posting but she wanted to have another Pump it up party with her friends.  She actually preferred NOT to have a house party which shocked (and elated) me at that same time!

A little bit about Maddie at 6:

• This girl is full of spunk.  She's still hanging with the boys in most social situations and always holds her own.
• She is tentative at school.  I think being the youngest has her a little intimidated and feeling like she's always trying to catch up.  We're working on that.
• If I would let her eat only one thing, it would be pasta.  Every. Time.
• She's seriously good at basketball and soccer.  Her confidence is usually at an all time high when she's on some sort of athletic court or field.  I love that.
• She and Jacob LOVE and HATE each other.  With so much passion it's unreal!  Their sibling rivalry should be documented!
• She still wants someone to lay with her every night.  In this big house, she gets nervous up in her room at night.
• She can take or leave an ipad, tv or any type of electronic device.  She wants to be DOING something.  And as exhausting as it is for mom and dad, I love that she really could care less about electronics.
• She has so much personality balled up into one little person.  I really don't know where she gets it!
• She LOVES babies and if she's ever around a younger child, she plays the role of mommy every time.  Good thing we are having one soon!
• All she wanted for her birthday was a car she could ride around in!  Thank goodness for craigslist. :)

We love her with every ounce of our souls and celebrate the unique, wonderful kid that she is!

Our new school

We've been here almost 4 months and exactly 2 months ago, Jacob and Maddie started their new school, St. Theresa's Catholic School.  We feel so blessed that we were able to get them in, given the fact that for months last Spring, the incoming 3rd grade class was full so Jacob didn't have a spot.  In a strange turn of events, literally hours before we were going to put an offer on a house in Austin not even close to this school, I got the call that a child was moving and Jacob had a spot in 3rd grade.  We had to do a complete 180 with our home search and start over, but seeing how happy they are (and how crazy pleased we are), we couldn't have made a better decision.

Below are some pictures of their first day of school.  Luckily, we had made many friends over the Summer so on their first day, they both already knew some of the kids in their grades.  Jacob had already had quite a few playdates with the 3rd graders and a sleepover!  They both seemed a bit nervous but handled it like pros.  I am so amazed by their adaptability and resilience.  A LOT happened over the Summer, yet they took on this challenge of a new school, new home, etc. with so much class and grace.  They impress me.

We had their school conferences yesterday.  I'm always a little nervous going into them as you really never know what to expect but they both got glowing reviews from their teachers.  I loved that they both "don't get involved in the drama" and play equally with all of the kids in their respective classes.  Maddie was described as a "work horse" and Jacob was described as "a really intelligent kid".  Every month, the school as a virtue assembly where they celebrate a virtue and recognize a child from every class with a "virtue award" for displaying that virtue at school.  Jacob received the virtue award for KINDNESS in September. We are so proud of both them and excited to see what the rest of the year brings!

As a sidenote, the community at this school is just outstanding.  Within weeks of moving, I had SO many families reach out to me, playdates scheduled, constant invites to things and so much more.  Every mom I have met has without hesitation given me her number to call if I ever need anything.  We've already had social nights with some of the parents (including a game night of flip cup, pop-a-shot basketball and pictionary!) and we happily get roped into the school events by other families like the golf tournament (I'm doing ladies putt putt!)  It's so refreshing to see parents so intimately involved in and care about their school.  It's a true joy to be there everyday!  To say that we lucked out when Jacob got that spot is an understatement.  Add to that the fact that we LOVE our new neighborhood and are only 15 minutes from the school (when it could have been much worse), I feel like it all fell into place just the way it was supposed to.

First day of school pics!

Jacob going up to receive his "virtue award" for kindness in September.  

All his silly friends in 3rd grade.  His teacher said he "never felt like the new kid".  Clearly from this picture you can see he hasn't had any trouble making friends!

Formal mass uniform!

Maddie's field trip to Amy's Ice Cream (an Austin local hot spot for many, many years!)

My Mom

On Monday afternoon, July 13th, I was at Julie's house with the kids and I got the call.  A panicked call from my Dad that my Mom was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.  She couldn't catch her breath so he called 911.  It wasn't the first time this had happened yet it felt different.  It felt urgent.  I told him I would drive to Houston immediately.  The kids and I left Julie's house as quickly as possible and on the way back to the apartment I made arrangements for Wrigley.  I packed bags for all of us in a hurry, threw the kids in the car, dropped Wrigley off at the dog sitters house and then we were on our way.  I still wish I had been able to do all of that in less time.  It was the longest drive of my life.  Getting updates from my Dad along the way, I also talked to Frank a few times on the phone, and we were both a bit confused about how serious it was.  When we were about 45 minutes away, something hit me.  She was gone.  I just knew it.  I felt it.  I prayed I was wrong but something told me that when I got there, I would not get to say goodbye.  I prayed and prayed that I was making it all up in my head but I also knew that my Dad wouldn't tell me while I was driving there. 

When we arrived my heart was pounding.  Thank goodness Misty was there to take the kids so I could go up with my Dad.  My mind was racing and I was just staring at him as we walked, waiting for him to say those words to me.  When they finally came out, I just screamed.  I knew it.  I knew it.  I didn't get to say goodbye. I wanted to be there.  I wanted to BE THERE.  But she was gone.

The next few hours were awful.  Seeing her -- saying goodbye.  When Frank arrived and I had to watch him go through what I had gone through just an hour before.  Watching the pain my Dad was going through. Calling John to tell him.  Calling Mark to tell him he needed to fly home.  It was all just SO AWFUL.

I cursed the timing.  One of the reasons for coming to Texas was so that we could spend more time with her.  So that I could be helpful in some way.  And we were there 2 weeks.  TWO WEEKS.  I saw her ONE TIME.  I was angry.  So angry that it happened this way.  That we had so little time and that I didn't even get there to hold her warm hand and tell her how much I loved her before she passed.

That week was the longest of my life.  On little sleep, sick from the pregnancy and emotionally drained.  It was the most trying time I've experienced ever.  But as the week progressed, and family and friends came together and we shared stories and laughter and love in the midst of all this pain, it was, dare I say, healing.  She isn't suffering anymore.  She isn't tied to her bed, struggling to breathe, struggling to eat, struggling to live.  It was no way to live and I know that.  I think from the very beginning of her diagnosis, she did not want to drag it out.  She did not want intervention.  And I think she was extremely brave for being so strong in those decisions. 

When she passed and my Dad and I were alone with her in the hospital room, a woman from the church came in to pray for her and pray with us.  It was beautiful.  Before she left and my Dad was out of the room, she held my hand and said "Ask your mother to come to you in your dreams.  And she will."  So I did.  Before we said goodbye that night, I asked her to visit me in my dreams.

It's been almost 3 months since she's been gone.  A couple of weeks ago, she came.  I was sitting next to her at a table in a restaurant.  She was wearing a white long sleeve sweater.  She looked beautiful.  She looked like she did 20 years ago -- red wavy hair, her face was full and healthy.  I could SMELL her perfume.  I'm one of those weird people that knows in their dreams, that they are dreaming.  So I knew, looking at her, that I was dreaming and I just told her how sorry I was that I wasn't there.  That I missed her. That I loved her.

I've been thinking about that dream a lot lately.  Usually when I'm alone in my car and driving.  I try to remember exactly what we said to each other in that dream, how she smelled.  And little by little, it's fading.  I hope she comes again.

I think a lot about this baby and how he will never know her.  I never knew my Grandma on my Mom's side because she died before I was born, and that always made me sad.  I hope that Jacob and Maddie grow up to have memories of her and that they can share them with their little brother.  I'm glad I had a chance to tell her that he was coming though.  I imagine her watching over this little guy in my belly, making sure he's growing just right.  This baby will be what I was to her.  Her 3rd child, separated by quite a few years.  She and I were buddies -- it was just us a lot of the time when I was little as my brothers were off doing their own thing.  She and I could spend hours upon hours at the mall, shopping, eating, doing nothing really.  And even though I was a total spoiled brat, she always showed me how much she loved me, how proud she was and constantly told me that I was beautiful, inside and out. 

I miss you mom.  Just wish I could lay in that bed with you one more time and hold your hand.