We've been here almost 4 months and exactly 2 months ago, Jacob and Maddie started their new school, St. Theresa's Catholic School. We feel so blessed that we were able to get them in, given the fact that for months last Spring, the incoming 3rd grade class was full so Jacob didn't have a spot. In a strange turn of events, literally hours before we were going to put an offer on a house in Austin not even close to this school, I got the call that a child was moving and Jacob had a spot in 3rd grade. We had to do a complete 180 with our home search and start over, but seeing how happy they are (and how crazy pleased we are), we couldn't have made a better decision.
Below are some pictures of their first day of school. Luckily, we had made many friends over the Summer so on their first day, they both already knew some of the kids in their grades. Jacob had already had quite a few playdates with the 3rd graders and a sleepover! They both seemed a bit nervous but handled it like pros. I am so amazed by their adaptability and resilience. A LOT happened over the Summer, yet they took on this challenge of a new school, new home, etc. with so much class and grace. They impress me.
We had their school conferences yesterday. I'm always a little nervous going into them as you really never know what to expect but they both got glowing reviews from their teachers. I loved that they both "don't get involved in the drama" and play equally with all of the kids in their respective classes. Maddie was described as a "work horse" and Jacob was described as "a really intelligent kid". Every month, the school as a virtue assembly where they celebrate a virtue and recognize a child from every class with a "virtue award" for displaying that virtue at school. Jacob received the virtue award for KINDNESS in September. We are so proud of both them and excited to see what the rest of the year brings!
As a sidenote, the community at this school is just outstanding. Within weeks of moving, I had SO many families reach out to me, playdates scheduled, constant invites to things and so much more. Every mom I have met has without hesitation given me her number to call if I ever need anything. We've already had social nights with some of the parents (including a game night of flip cup, pop-a-shot basketball and pictionary!) and we happily get roped into the school events by other families like the golf tournament (I'm doing ladies putt putt!) It's so refreshing to see parents so intimately involved in and care about their school. It's a true joy to be there everyday! To say that we lucked out when Jacob got that spot is an understatement. Add to that the fact that we LOVE our new neighborhood and are only 15 minutes from the school (when it could have been much worse), I feel like it all fell into place just the way it was supposed to.
First day of school pics!
Jacob going up to receive his "virtue award" for kindness in September.
All his silly friends in 3rd grade. His teacher said he "never felt like the new kid". Clearly from this picture you can see he hasn't had any trouble making friends!
Formal mass uniform!
Maddie's field trip to Amy's Ice Cream (an Austin local hot spot for many, many years!)
On Monday afternoon, July 13th, I was at Julie's house with the kids and I got the call. A panicked call from my Dad that my Mom was in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. She couldn't catch her breath so he called 911. It wasn't the first time this had happened yet it felt different. It felt urgent. I told him I would drive to Houston immediately. The kids and I left Julie's house as quickly as possible and on the way back to the apartment I made arrangements for Wrigley. I packed bags for all of us in a hurry, threw the kids in the car, dropped Wrigley off at the dog sitters house and then we were on our way. I still wish I had been able to do all of that in less time. It was the longest drive of my life. Getting updates from my Dad along the way, I also talked to Frank a few times on the phone, and we were both a bit confused about how serious it was. When we were about 45 minutes away, something hit me. She was gone. I just knew it. I felt it. I prayed I was wrong but something told me that when I got there, I would not get to say goodbye. I prayed and prayed that I was making it all up in my head but I also knew that my Dad wouldn't tell me while I was driving there.
When we arrived my heart was pounding. Thank goodness Misty was there to take the kids so I could go up with my Dad. My mind was racing and I was just staring at him as we walked, waiting for him to say those words to me. When they finally came out, I just screamed. I knew it. I knew it. I didn't get to say goodbye. I wanted to be there. I wanted to BE THERE. But she was gone.
The next few hours were awful. Seeing her -- saying goodbye. When Frank arrived and I had to watch him go through what I had gone through just an hour before. Watching the pain my Dad was going through. Calling John to tell him. Calling Mark to tell him he needed to fly home. It was all just SO AWFUL.
I cursed the timing. One of the reasons for coming to Texas was so that we could spend more time with her. So that I could be helpful in some way. And we were there 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS. I saw her ONE TIME. I was angry. So angry that it happened this way. That we had so little time and that I didn't even get there to hold her warm hand and tell her how much I loved her before she passed.
That week was the longest of my life. On little sleep, sick from the pregnancy and emotionally drained. It was the most trying time I've experienced ever. But as the week progressed, and family and friends came together and we shared stories and laughter and love in the midst of all this pain, it was, dare I say, healing. She isn't suffering anymore. She isn't tied to her bed, struggling to breathe, struggling to eat, struggling to live. It was no way to live and I know that. I think from the very beginning of her diagnosis, she did not want to drag it out. She did not want intervention. And I think she was extremely brave for being so strong in those decisions.
When she passed and my Dad and I were alone with her in the hospital room, a woman from the church came in to pray for her and pray with us. It was beautiful. Before she left and my Dad was out of the room, she held my hand and said "Ask your mother to come to you in your dreams. And she will." So I did. Before we said goodbye that night, I asked her to visit me in my dreams.
It's been almost 3 months since she's been gone. A couple of weeks ago, she came. I was sitting next to her at a table in a restaurant. She was wearing a white long sleeve sweater. She looked beautiful. She looked like she did 20 years ago -- red wavy hair, her face was full and healthy. I could SMELL her perfume. I'm one of those weird people that knows in their dreams, that they are dreaming. So I knew, looking at her, that I was dreaming and I just told her how sorry I was that I wasn't there. That I missed her. That I loved her.
I've been thinking about that dream a lot lately. Usually when I'm alone in my car and driving. I try to remember exactly what we said to each other in that dream, how she smelled. And little by little, it's fading. I hope she comes again.
I think a lot about this baby and how he will never know her. I never knew my Grandma on my Mom's side because she died before I was born, and that always made me sad. I hope that Jacob and Maddie grow up to have memories of her and that they can share them with their little brother. I'm glad I had a chance to tell her that he was coming though. I imagine her watching over this little guy in my belly, making sure he's growing just right. This baby will be what I was to her. Her 3rd child, separated by quite a few years. She and I were buddies -- it was just us a lot of the time when I was little as my brothers were off doing their own thing. She and I could spend hours upon hours at the mall, shopping, eating, doing nothing really. And even though I was a total spoiled brat, she always showed me how much she loved me, how proud she was and constantly told me that I was beautiful, inside and out.
I miss you mom. Just wish I could lay in that bed with you one more time and hold your hand.
We officially moved to Austin on Saturday, June 27th. The night before was filled with tears as we spent the afternoon with one of Jacob's best friends (Adam) and his family. When it was time to say goodbye, I don't think my heart has ever been more broken for him. His tears translated to mine which then translated to Julie's (Adam's mom). We were all a mess when we left. I texted Jaemie because we had talked about stopping by one last time and she and I both had to admit that we couldn't handle another goodbye. Even over texts we were blubbering messes and we both knew that the other wouldn't make it through. I was thankful we both felt the same way, because I really don't know if I could have ever left her house that night.
We headed home to meet Mark and then planned to stay at the hotel that night before flying out on Saturday morning. At the house, we stopped over to say goodbye to our neighbors, the Bluchers, and again the tears started flowing. They have been the best neighbors and friends we have ever, ever had and I fear we will never have such amazing people across our street again! More tearful goodbyes and we finally headed to the hotel.
The flight to Austin was great and landing in Texas was a bit surreal. Was this really happening? Are we really going to LIVE here? The corporate apartment had plenty of room for us and was in a great part of town. I was excited and terrified at the same time. We celebrated by having dinner at the County Line, not far from our new house would be. Outside was Bull Creek, full of huge fish and turtles you can feed. The kids LOVED it.
I don't know why this picture cracks me up, but it totally does. Look at his face! His is so not enthused that he has to carry my cat through security.
Adam gave Jacob this game called "Pass the Pigs" which we had to play while waiting for the plane!
Here we come, Austin!
On our way to get some good BBQ grub on our first night in Austin
Celebrating
Feeding the turtles and fishies
Mark left for Barcelona on Sunday morning so the kids and I were left to explore on our own. Julie invited us to meet her at the Thinkery, a cute children's museum in Austin. The kids had a blast! Building, painting, and more. I wish that place were closer to us because we would be there every weekend.
So this is where the story, and our lives, change in an instant. On Monday night, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep. I started to think about the craziness of the last few weeks, saying all of our goodbyes, moving, etc. and realized that I was supposed to get my period somewhere in that timeframe but it had not even occurred to me when. I pulled out my phone and started tracking the days and realized I was a few days late. Surely not, I kept thinking. It's just the stress of the move and what not that has made it delayed. Still, I decided to hit the Dollar store (the best place to find cheap pregnancy tests!) on Tuesday morning before heading to meet my friend Kristy for lunch. Back at the apartment, the kids were watching a show and I locked myself in the bathroom and took the test. I watched it, mesmerized, as the window filled with liquid and 2 little lines appeared. Not faint lines. TWO REAL lines.
PREGNANT.
I can't tell you what came out of my mouth in the next 15 minutes. I was pacing back and forth and I think a thousand "Oh my gods" came out along with "how is this possible" along with a mess full of tears. Please don't get me wrong. We had discussed having a 3rd baby for years but could never make the conscious decision to try and well, time got away from us, and the kids just kept getting older and we finally had decided that our family of 4 was complete. We were moving on to that next phase of life when vacations were relaxing again, lazy weekends were possible and enjoying nights out with friends was regular and fun. This was not exactly in the plan!
But God had a different plan. I picked myself up off the bathroom floor, washed my face, straightened myself to prepare for a lunch with one of my best friends. I drove to Whole Foods in a daze. I couldn't figure out how I was going to catch up on life with her without blurting out the words "I'M PREGNANT" in the middle of noshing on our salads. Luckily, it had been so long that we fell into conversation naturally and I got to catch up on HER life for a change and didn't feel the need to insert my crazy news into our lunch. After lunch, we headed to meet Julie at her community pool where we had plans to take the 4 kids swimming. I had much less restraint at that point and during a quiet moment watching the kids on the slide, I handed her the test. "ARE YOU PREGNANT?!" she said with shock in her eyes?! I said "yes" and started crying again. The timing was awful. We couldn't really talk in detail because we had 4 kids to look after but having her there and seeing her excitement comforted me. She said all the right things (Jacob and Maddie are going to be so helpful, it's going to be wonderful, etc.) and I left that day feeling much less terrified than I had that morning. As if the day hadn't been eventful enough, we headed to Waterloo Ice House for St. Theresa's "new family social". I had really been looking forward to this event because it meant that the kids would get to meet some of their classmates and I would get to meet some of the parents before school started. Given the day, though, I was exhausted and dreading yet another outing where my new secret boiled up inside of me. We drove there in a torrential downpour and finally made it safely where, surprisingly, our new mentor family waited and we got to meet some wonderful, wonderful new friends. I left that night feeling renewed...excited about their new school and dare I say, excited about this new adventure our family would be going on together. Still terrified...but the fear in my heart decided to make a little room for excitement at the same time.
I decided that I could NOT tell Mark over the phone. I wanted to share this with him in person and I really, really, wanted to record his reaction. We had plans to drive to Houston on Thursday for the 4th of July weekend. He was supposed to fly from Barcelona to Houston where we would pick him up at the airport and then we were going to spend the 4th of July weekend in Galveston with Frank, John and all the cousins. Those 2 days passed at a snail's pace. I had gone over and over in my head a thousand times how I would tell Mark. I decided to leave the kids with my parents and pick him up at the airport myself so we could have a quiet conversation. I hand painted 3 baby onesies that said "Good things come in three's", "Party of five coming soon" and "#3". The arrival line to the airport was insane! I waited for 20 minutes just to get to the arrival pick up area where he was waiting. My heart was pounding and I still didn't have a plan of where I would pull over to tell him. He FINALLY gets in the car and we just start chatting. At one point, I see an old fire station to my right with an empty parking lot. I pull in quickly as my heart was about to pound out of my chest. Confused, he asks me what I'm doing. I pull out the present and tell him that Maddie and Jacob made him something and they wanted him to open it right away and that they wanted me to film him opening it. Luckily, he bought the story and this happened:
It was fun watching him wrap his head around the news the entire way
home. I had 2 days to process it all -- and seeing him go through that
process in the car was hilarious. Again, a lot of "oh my gods" and "are
you okays". Shock. Just pure shock.
This is what he opened up:
The next day we headed to Galveston with the whole clan. It had been a long, long time since all of the cousins were together and we had a super fun time. We stayed at Moody Gardens and spent a day at the Schlitterbahn (a water park). The kids were in seventh heaven.
We ended up telling Frank, Paige and John the news while we were in Galveston. John was shocked. Frank was beyond excited. Paige's mouth dropped open and stayed that way for a good while. It's been fun watching everyone's reaction, especially those closest to us who were just as surprised as we were.
Back in Houston, we told my parents. Unfortunately, we don't have that on video but I laid there on the bed with my Mom holding her hand while Mark handed the bag with the onesies inside to my Dad. My Dad pulled them out one by one and I think his exact words were "WHAT?" "NO WAY" and " WHAT?!" My Mom was quiet. I could tell in her eyes that she was worried -- about me, about all of us. I had wondered for days how she would take the news knowing that she might not be here to witness it. I wanted her to know, but I didn't want to upset her so I just squeezed her hand tightly and kept whispering in her ear "I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be okay, don't worry about me, and, I love you".
Mark flew out to San Francisco from Houston and the kids and I drove back to Austin. I left with a heavy heart as I always did leaving my parents, especially my Mom. Mark and I had been trying to find a way to tell his parents the news but just could never find the right time while we were in Houston. So, we decided to do a 3 way facetime (me from Austin and him from SF) since Eric, Kelly, Amy, Sean and Nanny and Papa (and all the kids) were all together in Kansas. I am so thankful Kelly got us sharing the news with everyone on video. The video is priceless. Especially Papa needing a little help catching on! Amy and Nanny got it immediately. I love watching everyone's reaction. I think we've watched it a hundred times! Since we were not able to tell them in person, this was the next best thing.
Thanks to everyone in sharing in our shock, surprise and excitement. Going through this with you has meant the world to us and this baby is going to be blessed beyond belief!
